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Long-Term Relationships Don't Mean Boring Sex

PUBLISHED BY:Sinclair Institute

 

Tip # 1: Tips for a Healthy Married Sex Life

One of the biggest worries couples face when they decide to get married is the idea of spending the rest of their lives with one sexual partner. It's a valid concern, but there are plenty of options for couples to help keep their intimacy alive in and out of the bedroom.

 

THE WEDDING NIGHT

While not many couples need assistance in making wedding night sex hot, there are a few tips for making it the memorable experience it’s meant to be. Even if you’ve been together for years, there will never be another first night. Take the time to set the scene. Beautiful bed linens, flowers, candles, and even incense can transform your wedding night bedroom into a romantically sacred space. Although there will inevitably be a lot of expectation, don’t rush toward intercourse. Talk to each other, meditate, and give each other massages... The build-up is all part of the fun. When you do make love, remember to focus on each other. This night of all nights should be a celebration of the person you have chosen to share your life with. Relay this to your spouse by treating him/her to a night of selfless passion. Because you’ll most likely be expending a lot of energy, it’s a good idea to have fresh fruit at the ready. Feed each other. Not only will you be nourishing your bodies, you’ll be taking another opportunity to share intimacy with your mate. Your wedding night should not only be fun and memorable, it should set the tone of your future together. Do your best to make it as blissful as you intend your marriage to be.

 

ANNIVERSARIES

As humans, we find comfort in ritual. The marriage ceremony itself is a ritual. So is celebrating that date every year. In order to help the passion of your wedding night echo throughout your married life, you may consider establishing a romantic ritual that you first perform on the night of your wedding, and then carry over to each anniversary. Choose something that you only do that one day a year, and that will be relatively easy to recreate for the rest of your lives. It should be flexible enough to accommodate whatever location you may be in, the eventuality of children, and even your lives as older adults. A champagne bubble bath is a perfect choice. Starting on your wedding night and every year thereafter, fill a tub and climb in with your spouse and a bottle of champagne. Besides the two of you, this ritual only really involves three ingredients: a working tub, suds, and a bottle of champagne! Relaxing together is a wonderful way to take some time to appreciate each other, and it’s certainly an ideal precursor to a night of incredible sex.

 

MARRIED SEX

But how do you keep your sex lives vibrant during marriage? The key is variety. If you lived with your spouse before you married, you probably already have a good handle on how to change up your sexual routine: alternate the kinds of sex you have. A quickie here and there, a spontaneous act of lust, a well-planned seduction... Keep in mind, however, that the long-luxurious rainy-day sex you used to have may not be possible if/when you have children, so you'll need to get creative. Switch up scheduled sex dates for a little planned spontaneity. During the times you know you'll have privacy, keep it an unstated possibility (or probability) that one or the other will pounce. The anticipation alone is often a great turn-on. Overall, respect and love for your spouse is what keeps a married sex life healthy. What you develop in your daily lives together is what you bring to your sex together. Sex is one of the most intimate forms of communication we have. Treat each other well from the very first day of your marriage, and your sex life will naturally reflect that love.

 

Tip # 2: The Kama Sutra

Contrary to popular belief, the ancient book of The Kama Sutra -- or, Aphorisms on Love -- was not intended as a sex manual. These sacred writings from India about sexual union were only a portion of the book's deeper message of spiritual wholeness. Still, Kama Sutra sex positions are illustrated and explained in many modern sex books and videos as a means to develop our sexual acumen. Many of the tantric positions are not so different from what we already practice. For example a position which is called The Splitting of the Bamboo is very similar to an alternate version of the missionary position, in that the woman places one of her legs on her lover's shoulder, and stretches the other out, then switches the position of her legs. Experimenting with different lovemaking positions such as the ones illustrated in the Kama Sutra can help add excitement to ones lovemaking.

 

Tip # 3: Watching Together

One of the most fun bonding experiences for couples is watching an adult sex education film together. There are a few things to keep in mind, however, before you get started. First, make sure you both are interested in seeing the film. There's nothing fun in leaving your partner behind in an attempt to have a good time. Choose the film together. Make sure there is something about it that you both will enjoy. After all, you both will be sharing the experience. Lastly, have fun! Watching the film together may or may not result in the two of you having sex, so don’t expect anything. Just have a good time. It's most important that the two of you have done something together as a couple.

 

Tip # 4: Erotic Talk

Don't underestimate the power of words as a first-rate sexual technique. Erotic talk can be done during sex or when you and your partner are not together and want to keep the flames burning (having phone sex, for example). However, many people are at a loss about what to say during sex. Sometimes it helps not to think of it as talking "dirty" to your partner. Simply tell telling what you would like to do with him/her is arousing enough. Alternatively, you can share a fantasy or an erotic dream. Keep in mind that your partner may have difficulty opening up verbally. Respect that. Always pay attention to your lover’s comfort level.

 

Tip # 5: The Art of Seduction

One of the best sexual techniques anyone can learn is how to seduce your lover. It's not as complex or time-consuming as it may seem. Sometimes, just a simple compliment such as, "You're so beautiful/handsome" will do wonders for your lover's self esteem and make him/her more willing and excited to be close to you intimately. Alternately, you can write a love letter and leave it in a place you know s/he will find it when you are not around. It’s almost guaranteed your lover will be thinking of you all day and will want to get back to you for some lovemaking. If you’re out together, why not flirt the way you did when you first met? Flirting is a wonderful way to keep love fresh and alive. No matter how you choose to seduce, do something new every once in a while just to let your partner know you care.

 

Photo By: Magda Sobkowiak

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