Sex Post-Pregnancy: Reclaiming Your Sex Life

PUBLISHED BY:Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD

It can feel practically impossible – slipping into a sexy state of mind as a new parent. But it can be done. It must be done. After all, happy parents make for a happy family, and one of the keys to happiness is maintaining passion post-pregnancy.

 

While creating life may have been a breeze, reclaiming the sex life that allowed for it can feel like quite the undertaking. Getting back in the saddle after baby can be trying. There are, however, a number of steps one can take to alleviate any fears and barriers to resuming a red hot sex life.

 

Dress sexy.

It’s kind of hard to feel sexy in sweats or a top smattered with throw-up stains. Wear clothes that (A) make you feel good and sensual; (B) show off your best assets; and (C) are clean – at least as often as possible. Dressing sexy will help to put you in an erotic state of mind, and remind your partner that you are indeed one hot mama.

 

Take on cortisol.

Find clever ways of getting rest and relaxation, at least enough to quell the ultimate enemy of sex: cortisol. This little stress hormone can counter even the most gallant attempts to connect. So learn to breathe and be in your best element via yoga, massage, light exercise or any other activity that tends to calm you and soothe your nerves. Remember, nothing invites getting revved up more than being relaxed first. 

 

Ask for and accept help.

Those around you are willing to pitch in, so ask for assistance. Let them give you a hand. This is a vital piece of advice for those of you who are used to being self-sufficient and independent. Note that the months following pregnancy shouldn’t be approached as a test of strength. Accept offers from others to cook your meals or watch the baby for an hour so you can have some down time to pamper or primp. 

 

Feeling nurtured further bolsters your sense of importance and value in sex as a priority. Allowing yourself – and your sexual needs - to be number one will have positive effects on your sensual being.

 

Rest up.

Unfortunately, many times, those who finally get the clear to resume intercourse may be more tempted to sleep than sex it up! Given that babies usually don’t sleep through the night before 12 weeks, regardless what uber competitive parents might say, choosing sleep over sex may actually be a sanity saving choice for some new parents.

 

Placing exaggeratedly high stakes on resuming sex before you’re both ready can be damning in the long term, as it can often result in a disastrous first go. You have no one to impress, and it’s definitely not a race to the finish line of getting it on ahead of your time, so ease into it. 

 

Seek out other adults.

Being around other hot mamas can serve as inspiration to reclaim your sex life. Use this community as a resource and talk about strategies to make love once more. Girl talk around sex matters can be effective in simply making sure you have sex on the brain once more.

 

Show appreciation.

Post-birth can be a time of real or assumed expectations. Partners can feel like they’re making demands of each other inside and outside of the bedroom. Take time to acknowledge and appreciate the little things your partner does, baby-related, romantic, or around-the-house. Feeling appreciated and loved will make both of you feel more amorous.

 

Maintain touch.

If you’re not ready for all-out intercourse, or you’re waiting for your doctor’s clearance (many woman are good to go about 6 weeks post-birth), make sure you’re touching one another on a regular basis. Cuddle. Hold hands. Give each other massages. Provide manual stimulation for orgasmic release. Touch can provide physical and mental support that’s very needed at this time, helping you to feel connected and intimate, and often desiring more...

 

Talk about the elephant in the room.

While plenty of partners are raring to go get randy with their new favorite mommy, others have no idea how to act, opting into abstinence rather than communication and solution in response to this sexual overdrive. Invite the conversation about reclaiming your sex life. This can be as easily done as saying, “I miss being intimate with you” or “I miss our alone time.”

 

Let any concerns you have about having sex again be known. Talk about your fears concerning vaginal rebound, altered self-image, or your new roles as parents of one or more babes. Many people experience a whole new level of tenderness and intimacy post-pregnancy, because your new life allows you to see a nurturing side of your partner you may not have had the opportunity to witness prior to parenthood. 

 

Fantasize.

Sometimes, you have to see it to believe it. Imagine yourselves getting down’n’dirty or making love again. Anticipation of being back in the saddle can make it hotter when you do get there!

 

Don’t expect your old sex life.

Make it a better one! Parenting is the perfect opportunity for couples to become more sexually creative. When you are ready to begin having sex again, take your time and experiment with different movements and positions. Shoot for angles that will be gentle on your sore perineum, e.g., side-entry or woman on top allow you to control penis insertion.

 

Use lube.

This is especially true for women who are breastfeeding. Lactation can result in diminished vaginal lubrication or vaginal atrophy, both due to decreased estrogen. So use a water-based lube, like Astroglide, or your favorite brand. In extreme cases, talk to your doctor about using a low-dose vaginal estrogen treatment that reverses atrophic changes.

 

Communicate with your partner.

Your sexual needs may have changed, even temporarily. For example, if you loved breast play before, you may find such stimulation a wee-bit uncomfortable now. Make sure your lover knows what feels good and where and vice versa.

 

Overall, what’s more important is to do what feels right to both of you. Let your body be your guide, giving sex a go if you think you can, even in cases where it’s not exactly desired. Having sex post-birth can feel like going to the gym: you may not feel like it at first, but you’ll be glad you went! The ultimate results can be shockingly sweet.